by Joy
One of the few things the world and my family had in common was the notion of "happily ever after". Ever since I was little girl, I was taught by the media and my parents that the reward for being a good girl was love. But only from a prince or husband.
As I grew up in a loveless house, I was taught that if I wanted to be happy, I would have to get married.
If I wanted to love or be loved, I would have to get married. My abusive parents convinced me that the only way out of that abuse and oppression was by marrying the first person that "God sends my way" – which meant the first person they chose for me.
When I escaped that forced marriage and moved to Toronto with virtually nothing, I decided I wasn’t going to buy into anyone's idea of love. But I still found myself dating people who were unkind at the best and abusive at worst. I didn't know that I still subconsciously believed the idea of love as a reward for overcoming. I still believed that happily ever after comes with a soulmate kind of love. But where I was expecting to feel the highest vibration of joy and love, I felt empty.
When I realized this, I took some time for myself. I went out to restaurants, events, enjoyed my favorite activities, and even volunteered at a place that was very important to me. And through this, I was able to reframe my understanding of love.
I now know that I deserve to live in love, not work my way up to it.
Recently, I was on a panel at Covenant House where I shared my story. I told them about the way I grew up and the way I escaped a terrible fate. I talked about how Covenant House took me in and helped me avoid the terrible fate of homelessness too.
I was met with a standing ovation.
They listened to me, they cried with me when I was done. They stood up and applauded me.
And to me, that felt like my happily ever after. Knowing that who I am is valued, that my experiences are important and that I am celebrated for being exactly who I am, as I am.
And that kind of love is the ending of my Disney movie.